Sept. 10, 2008 – English 8, 10

Revise, Revise, Revise

Your homework for today is to come with a revised paper.  You are not required to type your revisions, but I would strongly suggest it.  However, whether you type it or not, you must come with a story showing that edits were made to every sentence.

10th Grade Only

Remember that you are to finish your revision today and then tomorrow night (Thursday, Sept. 11., 2008) do a whole new revision.  You should not try to complete both revisions in one evening.  This is one revision per day.  You should come to class on Friday with several papers: your original showing first revisions, your second draft showing revisions, and a third draft waiting to be revised.

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5 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Regina Go said,

    Sir I need to ask a question. can i put another caharacter in the short story homework assignment?

  2. 2

    Jason Lim 8A said,

    Mr. Brammer,
    May I send the revision to you just in case if my printer doesn’t work?

    Jason Lim, 8A

  3. 3

    setyo mahatmo 10 said,

    Mr. B, I don’t understand how to make the speaking format in a short story. You said that speaking is always on a
    new paragraph. I see the magic thread story, some of the speaking are not started in new paragraph.

    One more, should we change all of the sentences? because i don’t have any idea to make a different one.

  4. 4

    Vania tandagi said,

    It was pouring with rain, storms and hails… Everyone around him seems to try to get all the help they could possibly get. They jump, the ran, and they swam… Just above the rooftops he could see that entire sight happening.

    (This is my first draft intro)

    Comments

    It cannot pour a storm, as a storm is an intense rain. What it looks like you are doing here is setting up the action “he could see that entire sight happening”. Instead, just get to the action. Start with the “sight”. Never use “…” (which is called an ellipsis). I’ll teach you how to use them properly later, but for now, don’t use it in your writing. Give your first couple sentences another try and post them here again.

  5. 5

    Vania Tandagi (10) said,

    Rain, storms, hails, every horrible thing you could ever think of. Everyone around him seems to try to get all the help they could possibly get. They jump, the ran, and they swam, knocking all their guts out just to get some ground. Just above the rooftops he could see that entire sight happening.

    (my second draft intro)

    Comments

    I think it is better then the first draft, but you need to go back and look at the comments I made on that one. Throw out the intro here and start with the action. Again, you can’t have rain and storms because rain makes up a storm. And it can’t hail and rain at the same time either.


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